F - Love Does Flexibility

We hear it all the time: Be consistent. Follow through. Let them fail. Let the little stuff go. These are all good strategies for raising good humans. But what happens when good strategies contradict each other? Or when a method that works for one person totally flops with another? That’s when loving parents and teachers know the power of being flexible.

Let’s take a look at the idea of letting kids fail. Constantly rescuing our kids from failure means they miss opportunities to learn responsibility and grow as problem solvers. Sometimes it is good for them to be accountable for forgotten homework or deal with the consequence of a lunchbox left at home. But sometimes, these mistakes are a red flag to us as parents and teachers that our kids do not yet have the skills to succeed in this situation. And other times, it’s just a rare lapse in an otherwise effective routine. In these moments, flexibility isn’t just helpful—it’s necessary.

No two children are exactly alike. A technique that works well for most kids in a classroom—being consistent, for example—can be the wrong approach when applied to all children in all situations. Having a routine for when children arrive in the classroom is a good idea... unless a child hasn’t had breakfast yet that morning. A deviation from the routine to allow them to pop down to the cafeteria or grab a snack from the office is a wise move. Similarly, a strategy that works well most of the time at home—letting go of little things, for example—can be too extreme when limits are never set or set but never enforced. Being a flexible parent or teacher also allows us to explore options, change our minds, work together with our kids, and learn more ourselves.

So how do we decide which situations are good opportunities to embrace flexibility? An article on imperfectfamilies.com (link below) gives some questions to guide us in evaluating our parenting/teaching strategies.

Is my current strategy working? (If yes, then… keep doing it!)

Do I feel stressed trying to keep up with this strategy?
Am I doing something that doesn’t fit with my personality?
Am I doing something that doesn’t seem to be working for my child’s personality?

In a world filled with sometimes contradictory advice, getting caught up in this method or that strategy is easy. We want to do our best for our children, but even a great approach can be the wrong one in certain situations. As loving parents and teachers, stepping back and embracing flexibility can be one of the most valuable strategies we use.

Imperfect Families - Flexible Parent


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